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Monday, April 9, 2012

Forty and Fat

So I think I have the idea for the newest craze. Is it possible to remove part of your intestines to decrease the size of your gut? Surely this bulge I have is my intestines that have grown in size since I hit 40 and it's not due at all to the bag of Funyuns and Munchos that I ate for dinner. Because I know those have got to be on the Weight Watchers approved list, right? RIGHT?'s my PMS talking now, my apologies. Or it might be the after dinner shot of Jager, that is also calorie free, right? RIGHT? Ugh, I see that you are not going to agree with me, so I will just give up trying to fix stupid at this point.

Review time's that time of year.

The time when my boss gives me his opinion of me. And for some odd reason it never matches my opinion of my performance at work. Not sure why he doesn't see the rock star I see in the mirror in the morning every day, but he doesn't. Think he actually enjoys the battle in some sick way. But this year I have decided to be different. This is after I learned how awful it is to have an employee argue during a review, even with an awesome one. I gave an employee a great review, but because I didn't tell him he walked on water, he wanted to argue and try to convince me to change his rating. So I realized that people do not understand that a review is the opinion of another about you. It is very subjective. There is no way as long as humans are completing them that they would ever be unbiased. So, here's to me keeping my big mouth shut and smiling and nodding through my review. Pray for me people....this will NOT be an easy task for me!

Stiff in the morning

So while I am stiff and a little sore in the a.m. due to age, so is my hubby but not for the same reason. He is stiff and looking for love .... in all the wrong places, which makes him sore. Why is it that guys think morning sex is ever a good idea? First of all, morning breath is a great reason to NOT do the bump and grind with the sun up. Need I say more? Okay...stinky pits...greasy faces and hair are some others. Crusty eyes are not very attractive either, at least not to me. Or the fact that you have to remove your mouth gear prior to speaking or kissing and it is all slimy after residing in your mouth for many hours. And who wants to do the nasty with daylight streaming through the windows and the fricking birds singing?

It just seems unnatural at that time of day. I prefer it in the dark of the night where my hubby cannot see all the extra pounds I may have accumulated during the winter.
Maybe my distaste dates back to an old job where a co-worker was late for work one day. She told our supervisor she had to perform her "wifely duty" before coming to work. Her hair was still in rollers. Think that was my first turn off to morning sex. She was a good wife. She's probably still married.